CW: Poetically Sexually Explicit, Pornography, Language, Fetishism
Contributor’s note: In this devotional, as we challenge the line of sacred and profane, I offer up poetry and narratives about finding sacredness in pornography. This topic will shut out some people as they enter with past trauma. I want to acknowledge the profanity in pornography. It can cause harm because of the warped views of gender, sexuality, and race, as well as economic, social, mental, and physical issues that derive from its consumption. I define sacredness as unveiling wholeness, and hold space for those whose wholeness is not unveiled through pornography.

Today’s Reading

“woke, o north wind,
and cum, o south wind!
blow upon my garden
that its fragrance may be #thicc.
let my beluvv cum to their garden,
and eat its choicest fruits.
~
i cum to my garden, my fam, my partner,
i gather my myrrh with my spice,
i eat my honeycomb with my honey,
i drink my wine with my milk.
~
eat, friends, draaank,
and be drunk with luvv”
–a gender-neutral, exXxtra reading of Song of Solomon 4:16-5:1

“Within the cultural imagination, Asian American men… are bottoms. …I wanted to feel like I could decide to be top or bottom, a privilege only afforded to white cis men. I didn’t want to feel like I’m buckling to expectations by bottoming, or defying them by topping.”
–Mitchell Kuga, “How Tumblr Porn Let Gay Asian Men Be More Than a Fetish

surf my
surface
as you
send ripples
at your touch.
submerge
your body
in my water.
let me
surround
you in
my presence.
my current
pulls you in.
swim into
the depths
of me.
until you
come back
to shore.
crashing waves
coming over you.
wanting more
you dive into me.
i am the sea. |
i am your earth
to explore.
my mountain
is for you
to climb.
my cave
is for you
to hide.
my soil
is for you
to plant.
my clay
is for you
to shape.
you are the
epicenter
of the movement
in me.
wherever
you choose
to take place
in my presence.
i want you
to stand.
i am the land.|
the way you
look at me
when you are
underneath.
i kiss your
skin with
sunshine
and light up
your bones with
lightning.
comets
soar through
your lips
as i immerse
your soul
with raindrops.
i cover
your face
in moonlight.
my presence
above you.
the way you
look at me.
in your eyes.
i am the sky.|
i hold
in me.
the sky.
the land.
the sea.
three
in one.
my presence
high above
in the midst
deep below.
converging
createdness.
from the profane
my sacredness.
from the profane
my wholeness.
in one
three.
the sky.
the land.
the sea.
in my touch
in my hands.
the whole world.|

Sacred spaces are those where one faces their createdness, unveiling more of their wholeness. Exploring who I am as a sexual being is a space I frequent. Between unlearning purity culture, understanding my intersectionality, and hooking up with what’s-his-name-again, I engage with pornography. In Kuga’s Tumblr ban article, he emotes that watching queer Asian porn was a space where he was encouraged to define his sexual being. While some of my engagements have been profane, I encounter sacredness in pornography.

Dr. Joseph Goh, a member of the Emerging Queer Asian Pacific Islander Religion Scholars, writes in an article about gay men and porn consumption, “The viewing of pornographic material and recognition of their embodied responses to it become a method for both men to ‘talk to’ their sexualities… an honest, intimate, ongoing self-engagement and self-recognition…” (455). I resonate with these words because through watching queer Asian porn, I have come to ‘talk to’ my sexuality. In the past, conversations with my sexuality have been that only white, buff, cis-men are sexually worthy. This evolved into believing my Asian body can be worthy if I submitted to objectification by white men.

As I view a queer Asian body fuck another, I learn that I can desire myself, that I can be desired by others without objectification, and that I can fulfill my sexual desires. It is freeing to know I don’t have to play “aZn sub boiii” for sex and that my role in sex isn’t prescribed. I could be the sea, the land, the sky, the whole world. Like queer Asian bodies connecting, I can hold myself and be enough. In teaching me this, pornography unveils more of my wholeness. And that is sacred.

Reflection

Please think of places that are profane in your life, through which you’ve actually encountered moments of unveiling wholeness. How might these moments challenge our perceptions of what is sacred or profane?

Footnotes
https://www.out.com/news-opinion/2018/12/17/how-tumblr-porn-let-gay-asian-men-be-more-fetish

Goh, Joseph N. 2017. “Navigating sexual honesty: a qualitative study of the meaning- making of pornography consumption among gay-identifying Malaysian men” Porn Studies. 2017 VOL. 4, NO. 4, 447-462. Routledge.

  • Mickey (he/him) has three goals: create the first National PAAC volleyball team, win a national championship, and marry a gay pastor. The 5’7’’ setter from Kent, WA enjoys iced coffee; grass, sand, and indoor volleyball; shallow pop music; and proper uses of the semicolon. When he’s not working on his fitness or scrolling through STUMBL, he often writes “metaphorical Instagram poetry” under the pen name MIKI.

  • Kellie (she/her) is a graphic designer and illustrator for a sustainable branding agency. Born, raised, and currently living in Seattle, WA, this INFP loves sunny hikes as much as she loves watching Netflix in a self-made blanket nest on rainy days. She's most interested in exploring the intersection of social equity and environmental justice.